September 11, 2013: What Does It All Mean?

It's been 12 years since every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. And 6 years since I originally wrote this - revising each year since. This year, I expected to disagree with some of my sentiments. This wasn't the best year in a lot of ways and perhaps I expected to have turned cynical. Instead, I think I was reminded of some lessons from the younger me. Life doesn't always work out the way you intend, but you are always in control of who you are. We can choose our attitudes and love the life we have - rather than pining for a life we wish we had. And if there is any message to take away from September 11, 2001, it's that we should appreciate what we do have and take none of it for granted. Without further adieu - here are some tips to do just that...  

1. Remember Someone's Name - We all forget names. We call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?", and we start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, or mind on the other end of the line (Note: this does not apply if you actually got an empty chair on the line). Or we meet someone at a party.  A few weeks later, we see them again and have no idea of their name. Frantically, we'll look around for someone else who may the person. Or perhaps even someone we can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. How about instead we put those memory exercises to work! On the phone - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Carlos Danger, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Miley - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Robin Thicke's 'Blurred Lines' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...

2. Introduce someone to someone else - "The more the merrier"! In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd all hang out all the time. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never feel remorse about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Michelle Bachmann and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...

3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds simple! Yet, so many people harbor these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about! And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. Squabble, squabble, squabble... now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track! I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive than it is to forgive. I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...

4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - We all make mistakes - but the word "Sorry" has to have meaning. I'm not saying people should stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people affected are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become overused that it's losing impact. Here's some two rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. There should never be "I'm sorry that Ravi is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! 2) When it's unconditional. For example - "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make try to use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. And when it comes to "Thank You", I'm in the camp of "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description! I hesitate to say that we should say "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with something any good friend would do. And while we're here...

5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been many times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...

6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" We all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk. But, in the scenario above, how much time did my friend take to ask if I was OK? Three seconds? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life, but she's concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she's willing to put everything on hold. Do we really not have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if the answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning is what goes around comes around. So next time your phone buzzes during a time when you are too busy to answer, try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".

7. Honesty is the best Policy - I am a miserable liar, so I gave up trying at some point. Since then, I've learned that telling the truth isn't all that bad! People appreciate that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, accept and understand the truth. I can't tell you how many times friends have told me they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting feelings". I doubt any of them really have the intent to offend someone or hurt feelings - they are all good people! So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not that the person you are worried about offending might empathize with you. And if not - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.

8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard over the last year.  I'm guilty of making some of them myself. While we search for who we want to become and what we don't have - we should learn to appreciate who we are today and what we DO have. I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...

Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.  I love you all.

Written in honor of the brave men and women who serve.  

End of The World Do's and Don'ts

So apparently the Mayans have decided the world is going to end on Friday. My first reaction was “Cool - I don’t have to pay my bills this month!”  However, while I was going through the process of not paying my bills, certain other thoughts occurred to me. Like, “Why the hell did I just buy groceries when the world is going to end Friday!” ... and “Hey! Cool topic - let’s blog about the end of the world!”

For those who haven’t heard, many years ago the Mayans made a calendar that apparently expires this Friday.  While this might sound scary, what makes it really frightening is that the Mayans weren't even nice enough to tell us HOW the world will end. So we will all have to surmise what we think it'll look like. 

Perhaps the whole world will be enveloped in flames and we will all be left as particle dust. Or maybe the world will spin into a massive orbit until we are all thrown in different directions destined to float as particle matter throughout the universe for eternity. These possibilities, however, sound very a little too scientifically probable. And if there is one thing I know for sure - it's that you can't trust science.

Which leads us to another possibility - religion. The religious types predict something called the Rapture will happen.  Now truth be told, they have predicted the Rapture many times in the past and have been wrong, but that's even more reason to believe it'll be true this time. We're overdue.  

The Rapture predicts that graves will open, “saved” souls will rise to the heavens, and the rest among us who are temporarily spared will be forced to live among disease, death, and destruction for 5 months until we are finally put out of our misery when the Earth is annihilated - which I believe is the premise for every zombie movie Hollywood ever made. Now there is an upside - after the earth is annihilated, a new Earth will be created for the "saved souls".  But I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that very few of my readers will be among that group.

So yea - that’s what we are looking forward to.  We're all dying sometime between Friday and 5 months from now. But considering this outcome has been affirmed by the 2 most believable things we know in life, Hollywood and religion, it's certain to be true.

Now, it might occur to some of you that with the world coming to an imminent end, there are probably better things to be doing than reading a blog post. I mean think about the last time we thought the world might end - May 21, 2011 (thank you Harold Camping). How bummed would you have been if you had been reading a blog post that night when - well, when nothing at all happened. That being said, this could very well be the most important blog post you’ll ever read as I aim to provide you with tips of what to do and what not to do on Friday night. So this is my parting gift to you as we prepare for the End of World as We Know It (and I feel fine):

DON’T Tell someone you love them. I’m telling you now - don’t waste your time. The best case scenario is “I love you too”, but who cares - you won’t be around to enjoy that mutual love. Worst case scenario is they don’t tell you the same and you head into the end of world unrequited. Wait, actually worse case scenario is that you say it to someone who ends up as a zombie. And then you get chased around by a love struck zombie for 5 months.

DO Tell someone you hate them. On the flip side, what better way to celebrate everyone’s demise than telling your arch nemesis how much they suck? There’s no sense in seeking forgiveness or calling a truce when there is no tomorrow. So why not just use them to vent your end of the world frustrations? Trust me, there is only upside in this.

DON’T Visit the grocery store. Why spend money on something Friday that will be available for free Saturday?

DO Visit your local bar. This is a much better way of utilizing your rainy day funds. Besides, with the right amount of alcohol, you stand to forget that the world even ended Saturday morning. (“Uhhhh hey - I feel like the world ended last night....  what happened?”)

DON’T Pray for forgiveness. While it may be true that saved souls do rise to the heavens with the promise of an eventual return to earth, it’s likely too late for you. Why waste your time? Besides, this earth is going to be annihilated in 5 months anyway. Do you really want to take your chances with this “new earth”? The rest of those “saved souls” probably aren’t all that much fun anyway.

DO Streak Naked. While this suggestion is partly because there are some of you I would like to see naked, it also is because Friday night will be the last time you have the option to streak naked without the possibility of getting eaten by a zombie.

DON’T Worry where your friends and family are. If there is ever a time to live in the present and not the past or future, it’ll be Friday night. Is mom calling on the phone? Hit ignore. No time for chit chat with Mom when you’re trying to make the most of your last few moments.

DO Eat pop rocks and drink coke at the same time. The Mayan End of the World thing isn’t a myth, so why not see what other myths might be true? If your stomach explodes, who cares - you’re only living 5 more months anyway. 

And with that, I wish you all well this Friday night. Oh, and just so you all know - I hate you.

How we may create monsters... and how we might be able to stop

The national debate following the tragedy in Connecticut on Friday has mainly centered around two issues: policies on gun control and mental health care.  I wanted to push the debate in a bit of a different direction with this post. I have been sitting here thinking for 2 days wondering what I can do besides pushing our policy makers to change our gun laws or find a way to improve access to behavioral health care.  In other words, are there things we can do as society to help in the prevention of these tragedies?

Some small background - many, many years ago when I was in high school, a bomb when off in a locker at our school. It's been awhile, so I'm hazy on a lot of the details (if anyone from my HS is reading this and has a different memory of events, feel free to correct), but the end result was that while one person got singed, no one else got hurt. Still, the school was evacuated and everyone was sent home. It ended up being that one student who was being bullied ended up planting the bomb in another kid's locker - the alleged bully's locker.  

I remember in the days following the incident, the kid who planted the bomb became somewhat of a sympathetic figure because of the bullying. He was kind of a loner. Dressed different. Carried a briefcase around school. Was very quiet. And had few friends, if any. I don't know if he had any known psychological problems - but he did become somewhat of a victim when details emerged. Although I am certain that would have been different had the end result been worse.

The reason that I'm sharing this background is that after reading about the Sandy Hook shooter, the Columbine shooter, and others, there are a lot of similarities in the profile of the shooters and the kid who planted the bomb in my high school over 20 years ago. The statements about people who went to High School with the Sandy Hook shooter were things like "I don't remember him", "He didn't have any friends", or "I'm not surprised - he was weird."  There also seems to be some evidence he was largely ignored by his family as well.

Let me be very clear, I am in no way saying we should feel bad for this mass murderer after what he has done. It was a despicable action and he deserves to be briefly despised and then forgotten.  But if we agree with the premise that these killers were not pre-destined out of the womb to commit these acts, but the course of their life drove them in that direction, we should look to how we as a society can serve to change that. In the memory of those beautiful children who lost their lives, I believe we should all look inward at what we can do to make the world a better place - a place where horrors like this do not happen.

We live in a way where we reject people almost daily because of the way they dress, the way they look, the way they talk, what they believe, the pets they own, the cars they drive, the homes they live in, the job they do, and the teams they root for. We run away from people who are different because we don't understand them. We should seek to understand. 

We all share in the human condition. But when it comes down to it, in many instances where respect for the human condition is lost, it's because someone can't see beyond those differences into the human underneath. Instead of running away from people's differences, we should seek to embrace them. And even if we can't embrace them, maybe we'll at least be able to accept and tolerate.

So, in the aftermath of this tragedy, as we all look for answers and things we can do to make the world better - we should begin to learn ourselves and then, in turn, teach our children the value of differences. And maybe next time you come across someone you might normally turn away from or reject because they are different - perhaps we should turn to them and say "Hey friend - how are you doing?"  You never know. You could be saving a life.

I welcome all respectful commentary to this that serves to push the conversation of how to prevent unspeakable tragedies from happening forward. 

In loving memory to those that lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary.

What Does It All Mean?

It's been 11 years since each and every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. We spent days, months, and some of us years trying, and failing, to find some meaning to a day of tragedy. It's entirely possible that there are those among us that are still trying. The question posed in the subject of this e-mail may suggest that I have an answer and it's somewhere in the body of this e-mail. Let's get this out of the way quickly - I don't and it isn't. What I would like to share, however, are some things I have learned in the last 9 years trying to find an answer. Let's call them " Pimplaskin's Tips for Making the World Awesome, Yo!".

1. Remember Someone's Name - There isn't one of us out there who has began talking to someone and within minutes forgotten the name of the person we are speaking with. Think about it - every time you call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?". Then you start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, and mind on the other end of the line (although this may not be the case had you actually got an empty chair on the line - but that's another matter). Other times you may meet someone at a party, see them again and have no idea what there name is. Frantically, you'll look around for someone else who may know that person or perhaps even someone you can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. So let's try this... next time we are calling customer service or at a party, put those memory exercises to work. If calling customer service - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, repitition is the key. Say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Naomi, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Placido - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to simply introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...

2. Introduce someone to someone else - One of my mottos is "the more the merrier". In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd just always be in one everlasting party. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just, um, forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never really feel bad about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - Dayana Mendoza and Lisa Lampanelli, the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Jon Hamm and Kim Kardshian, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Sarah Palin and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a potentially great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...

3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds so simple, doesn't it? So then why do I hear about so many people harboring these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about? And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - so that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. See, now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track... Anyway, I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive someone than it is to forgive them. Trust me, I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...

4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - Look, we all make mistakes - but we all need to say "Sorry" less. I'm not asking people to stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people you are affecting are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become way overused that it's becoming meaningless in context. Here's some quick rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. 2) When it's unconditional. There should never be "I'm sorry that Pimplaskin is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! And there certainly shouldn't be a "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make sure that we use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. Along the lines of "Thank You", I'm in the camp of there are "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description to do you a favor. I hesitate to say that we should use "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with some arduous chore. And while we're here...

5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been a couple times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...

6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone even when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" I know we all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk to someone. But really, in the scenario above, how much actual time did my friend take to ask me if I was OK? Three seconds, perhaps? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life right now, but she's still concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she might be willing to put everything on hold for a moment to help me out. Are we really that self-absorbed that we don't have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if your answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning to you is what goes around comes around. So let's try this - next time your phone buzzes during a time where you are normally too busy to answer, let's try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".

7. Honesty is the best Policy - Since I have always been a miserable liar, at some point in my life I just gave up trying. In that time I learned that telling the truth isn't really all that bad! People usually appreciate the fact that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, people actually accept and understand the truth. It sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how many times friends have told me how they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting their feelings". I don't think any of you are evil people... well, not intentionally at least - so I doubt you really have the intent to offend someone or hurt their feelings with your actions. So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not the person who are worried about offending might empathize with you. And really - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.

8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's all too easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have enough money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard more than once over the last year. And trust me - I'm guilty of making some of the same complaints myself. While we wander around searching for who we are and what we don't have - maybe we should learn to appreciate who we are and what we DO have. And I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means if for nothing else, you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...

Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.

I Love You All.

Why The Bible should be the next book you read in book club

I'm not currently in a book club. But I do read a lot. Every time I finish a book, I feel invigorated. You know how it is - you get a sense of accomplishment. You are excited from the experience. You want to know what happens next. You want to interact with the characters. You want MORE!  A good book might change your life - and that is the amazing power of the written word.

But the thing about books - they are written in a moment of time. The world changes. Life changes. Do you accept everything you read today as the truth?  At one point, the world was flat, evolution was ridiculous, and women were inferior. Do you still accept that?

So here's what I don't get: why do people hold so steadfast to a religious belief on marriage when, at best, it's one interpretation of a book written thousands of year ago?

Every single day, we wake up with the option to love our fellow man and allow them to live with the same freedoms we do. 

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Apparently The Bible says the same thing. If you interpret it differently, that's your choice.   No one is saying your interpretation is wrong. We all choose what we want to believe. But if you staunchly believe in the teachings of the Bible, why not agree with everything it says?  

It's a great book.  But it's still a book written in a moment of time and interpreted 100s of different ways.  In the 1600s, one interpretation put people to death because of alleged "witchcraft". Wouldn't you challenge that meaning if it happened today?  After all, there are interpreters of the Bible who feel that gay people should be put to death for their "sin".

So I ask you : How far are you willing to take this interpretation without thinking for yourself?  Are you willing to let history classify you in the same charge as those who believed in witches?  I challenge you to find the passages on charity, love, marriage, sin, and equality and openly talk about them in your next book club meeting and what it all means. 

This will be a moment of time in our history. If you accept that people of different sexual preferences are among us and should be allowed to exist as our fellow man as equals - denying their equal rights will one day put you on the wrong side of history. And when that day comes, I promise you the Bible will not be interpreted as if homosexual love was "wrong", but rather that it was meant to be. 

T.C.A.G.

Trust yourself. Trust your nature. Trust who you are and that you are right. Trust your mind. Trust that you can get through anything. Trust who you love. Trust that your life is yours and no one else. Trust what you believe - and nothing else should matter.

Challenge yourself. Challenge what you are told. Challenge what are norms and what is accepted. Challenge the world. Challenge your love. Challenge that your life is yours and no one should dictate it. Challenge what others believe - and strengthen what you believe in.

Accept yourself. Accept your faults. Accept you make mistakes. Accept that you are different and that allows for disagreement.  Accept that there is compromise. Accept that you have weakness. Accept that you know yourself better that anyone else, and no one can tell you otherwise.

Give yourself. Give with all your heart.  Give to those you care about. Give to those you love.  Give your time. Give your attention. Give all of what you have until there is no more to give. Give your mind. Give your soul. Give what you can - and you'll receive more than you would ever ask.

Are you a good decision maker?

The interesting thing about giving people advice is that they usually don't want it. All they want is validation that they are right. If you don't think what they think - then you are wrong. So at a certain point the best thing you can tell people is to trust themselves. Of course, that brings us back to original dilemma - they still are asking you if what they are doing is right. So to give those people some peace of mind, I decided to google tips on how to make good decisions that we can all use the evaluate our decision making abilities. These were the results.... with my commentary added of course:

1. Make your decision in advance: Our biggest problem is that we have not pre-destined all of our actions. If we already had robotically planned what we should do in any given situation, we would have no problems. So, for tomorrow, I have decided I will make a million dollars. 

2. Trust your gut: People always talk about whether they should listen to their heart or their head. Apparently the answer is neither. You should listen to your gut. Make your belly button talk. Are you doing it? Good. Then just trust what your belly button said and go with it.

3. Know when to trust experience: Have you been here before? Think of the decision you made in previous situations and evaluate whether that is your preferred scenario. For example, if your preferred scenario is to be in Keira Knightley's bed and you have never achieved that, you are probably doing something wrong. 

4. Activate your network: If you are a terrible decision maker, you should just rely on others to tell you what to do. So in other words, join a cult.

5. Choose your battles: If you have thought way too much over the decision, you have stagnated. Life is going on around you. And you are missing it because you can't choose right, left, up, down, back, forth....  we will never know for sure what's the best way to go. But if we agonize over that and don't choose a direction, we wouldn't grow, experience more, and become who we are destined to be. So at some point we all need to let it go, let life take us.....  and smile.