It's been 12 years since every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. And 6 years since I originally wrote this - revising each year since. This year, I expected to disagree with some of my sentiments. This wasn't the best year in a lot of ways and perhaps I expected to have turned cynical. Instead, I think I was reminded of some lessons from the younger me. Life doesn't always work out the way you intend, but you are always in control of who you are. We can choose our attitudes and love the life we have - rather than pining for a life we wish we had. And if there is any message to take away from September 11, 2001, it's that we should appreciate what we do have and take none of it for granted. Without further adieu - here are some tips to do just that...
1. Remember Someone's Name - We all forget names. We call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?", and we start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, or mind on the other end of the line (Note: this does not apply if you actually got an empty chair on the line). Or we meet someone at a party. A few weeks later, we see them again and have no idea of their name. Frantically, we'll look around for someone else who may the person. Or perhaps even someone we can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. How about instead we put those memory exercises to work! On the phone - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Carlos Danger, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Miley - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Robin Thicke's 'Blurred Lines' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...
2. Introduce someone to someone else - "The more the merrier"! In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd all hang out all the time. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never feel remorse about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Michelle Bachmann and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...
3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds simple! Yet, so many people harbor these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about! And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. Squabble, squabble, squabble... now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track! I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive than it is to forgive. I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...
4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - We all make mistakes - but the word "Sorry" has to have meaning. I'm not saying people should stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people affected are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become overused that it's losing impact. Here's some two rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. There should never be "I'm sorry that Ravi is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! 2) When it's unconditional. For example - "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make try to use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. And when it comes to "Thank You", I'm in the camp of "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description! I hesitate to say that we should say "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with something any good friend would do. And while we're here...
5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been many times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...
6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" We all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk. But, in the scenario above, how much time did my friend take to ask if I was OK? Three seconds? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life, but she's concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she's willing to put everything on hold. Do we really not have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if the answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning is what goes around comes around. So next time your phone buzzes during a time when you are too busy to answer, try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".
7. Honesty is the best Policy - I am a miserable liar, so I gave up trying at some point. Since then, I've learned that telling the truth isn't all that bad! People appreciate that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, accept and understand the truth. I can't tell you how many times friends have told me they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting feelings". I doubt any of them really have the intent to offend someone or hurt feelings - they are all good people! So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not that the person you are worried about offending might empathize with you. And if not - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.
8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard over the last year. I'm guilty of making some of them myself. While we search for who we want to become and what we don't have - we should learn to appreciate who we are today and what we DO have. I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...
Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01. I love you all.
Written in honor of the brave men and women who serve.
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