It's been 11 years since each and every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. We spent days, months, and some of us years trying, and failing, to find some meaning to a day of tragedy. It's entirely possible that there are those among us that are still trying. The question posed in the subject of this e-mail may suggest that I have an answer and it's somewhere in the body of this e-mail. Let's get this out of the way quickly - I don't and it isn't. What I would like to share, however, are some things I have learned in the last 9 years trying to find an answer. Let's call them " Pimplaskin's Tips for Making the World Awesome, Yo!".
1. Remember Someone's Name - There isn't one of us out there who has began talking to someone and within minutes forgotten the name of the person we are speaking with. Think about it - every time you call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?". Then you start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, and mind on the other end of the line (although this may not be the case had you actually got an empty chair on the line - but that's another matter). Other times you may meet someone at a party, see them again and have no idea what there name is. Frantically, you'll look around for someone else who may know that person or perhaps even someone you can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. So let's try this... next time we are calling customer service or at a party, put those memory exercises to work. If calling customer service - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, repitition is the key. Say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Naomi, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Placido - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to simply introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...
2. Introduce someone to someone else - One of my mottos is "the more the merrier". In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd just always be in one everlasting party. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just, um, forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never really feel bad about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - Dayana Mendoza and Lisa Lampanelli, the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Jon Hamm and Kim Kardshian, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Sarah Palin and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a potentially great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...
3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds so simple, doesn't it? So then why do I hear about so many people harboring these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about? And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - so that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. See, now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track... Anyway, I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive someone than it is to forgive them. Trust me, I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...
4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - Look, we all make mistakes - but we all need to say "Sorry" less. I'm not asking people to stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people you are affecting are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become way overused that it's becoming meaningless in context. Here's some quick rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. 2) When it's unconditional. There should never be "I'm sorry that Pimplaskin is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! And there certainly shouldn't be a "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make sure that we use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. Along the lines of "Thank You", I'm in the camp of there are "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description to do you a favor. I hesitate to say that we should use "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with some arduous chore. And while we're here...
5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been a couple times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...
6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone even when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" I know we all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk to someone. But really, in the scenario above, how much actual time did my friend take to ask me if I was OK? Three seconds, perhaps? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life right now, but she's still concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she might be willing to put everything on hold for a moment to help me out. Are we really that self-absorbed that we don't have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if your answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning to you is what goes around comes around. So let's try this - next time your phone buzzes during a time where you are normally too busy to answer, let's try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".
7. Honesty is the best Policy - Since I have always been a miserable liar, at some point in my life I just gave up trying. In that time I learned that telling the truth isn't really all that bad! People usually appreciate the fact that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, people actually accept and understand the truth. It sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how many times friends have told me how they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting their feelings". I don't think any of you are evil people... well, not intentionally at least - so I doubt you really have the intent to offend someone or hurt their feelings with your actions. So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not the person who are worried about offending might empathize with you. And really - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.
8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's all too easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have enough money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard more than once over the last year. And trust me - I'm guilty of making some of the same complaints myself. While we wander around searching for who we are and what we don't have - maybe we should learn to appreciate who we are and what we DO have. And I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means if for nothing else, you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...
Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.
I Love You All.
1. Remember Someone's Name - There isn't one of us out there who has began talking to someone and within minutes forgotten the name of the person we are speaking with. Think about it - every time you call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?". Then you start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, and mind on the other end of the line (although this may not be the case had you actually got an empty chair on the line - but that's another matter). Other times you may meet someone at a party, see them again and have no idea what there name is. Frantically, you'll look around for someone else who may know that person or perhaps even someone you can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. So let's try this... next time we are calling customer service or at a party, put those memory exercises to work. If calling customer service - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, repitition is the key. Say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Naomi, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Placido - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to simply introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...
2. Introduce someone to someone else - One of my mottos is "the more the merrier". In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd just always be in one everlasting party. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just, um, forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never really feel bad about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - Dayana Mendoza and Lisa Lampanelli, the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Jon Hamm and Kim Kardshian, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Sarah Palin and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a potentially great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...
3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds so simple, doesn't it? So then why do I hear about so many people harboring these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about? And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - so that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. See, now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track... Anyway, I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive someone than it is to forgive them. Trust me, I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...
4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - Look, we all make mistakes - but we all need to say "Sorry" less. I'm not asking people to stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people you are affecting are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become way overused that it's becoming meaningless in context. Here's some quick rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. 2) When it's unconditional. There should never be "I'm sorry that Pimplaskin is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! And there certainly shouldn't be a "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make sure that we use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. Along the lines of "Thank You", I'm in the camp of there are "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description to do you a favor. I hesitate to say that we should use "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with some arduous chore. And while we're here...
5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been a couple times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...
6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone even when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" I know we all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk to someone. But really, in the scenario above, how much actual time did my friend take to ask me if I was OK? Three seconds, perhaps? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life right now, but she's still concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she might be willing to put everything on hold for a moment to help me out. Are we really that self-absorbed that we don't have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if your answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning to you is what goes around comes around. So let's try this - next time your phone buzzes during a time where you are normally too busy to answer, let's try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".
7. Honesty is the best Policy - Since I have always been a miserable liar, at some point in my life I just gave up trying. In that time I learned that telling the truth isn't really all that bad! People usually appreciate the fact that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, people actually accept and understand the truth. It sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how many times friends have told me how they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting their feelings". I don't think any of you are evil people... well, not intentionally at least - so I doubt you really have the intent to offend someone or hurt their feelings with your actions. So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not the person who are worried about offending might empathize with you. And really - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.
8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's all too easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have enough money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard more than once over the last year. And trust me - I'm guilty of making some of the same complaints myself. While we wander around searching for who we are and what we don't have - maybe we should learn to appreciate who we are and what we DO have. And I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means if for nothing else, you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...
Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.
I Love You All.
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