Rocky Means What He Says (or Does) Too

I mentioned in my inaugural post that my dog Rocky might add in his two cents occasionally on the blog. I was talking with him about my post earlier in the week, and he basically sat there and stared at me. It occurred to me that he was likely angry about the topic of my post because as a dog he probably gets misunderstood all the time. So I asked him if he “wanted to post on the blog” and he reacted the same way he does every time I ask him if he wants something. He stood up and wagged his tail. So I assumed that meant yes and handed him the computer....

jwqfrouogeriugaieldgkjskf......  Woof! That’s better.  The really need to calibrate keyboards differently for those of us with paws and no opposable thumbs. Dad is correct in that as a dog I do feel very misunderstood. Which is completely idiotic, since it’s not like there are an infinite amount of ways to interpret my behavior. I mean, I’m a dog. Usually I either I want to eat something, pee on something, or sniff something. It’s not that complicated.  But to help you all out, here is my list of things I say or do and what I actually mean:

What I Say or Do	What I Mean
“Woof.”	“Give me a treat”
“Woof!”	“Alert. Someone is here who may either want to attack us or give me a treat.”
“Awrroooo.”	“Hurry up. I have to pee on things.”
“Awrroooo!”	“Where did Daddy go? I might eventually have to pee on things and he’s not here.”
“Grrrr.”	“Stay away from my food.”
“Grrrr!”	“Alert. Someone may be too close to my food even though I hear them in the hall behind a closed locked door.”
<Peeing on a tree>	“The tree is mine now.”
<Peeing on a wall>	“The wall is mine now.”
<Peeing on anything>	“The world is mine now.”
<Sitting and Staring at you>	“Give me a treat”
<Sitting and Staring at you>	“Take me outside.”
<Sitting and Staring at you>	“I’m contemplating world domination by peeing on everything.”
<Wagging my tail>	“I’m so happy! Give me a treat.”
<Wagging my tail>	“I’m so happy! Let’s go pee on things!”
<Panting>	“I’m hot. Give me water. Or a treat.”
<Panting with ears back>	“I’m scared. Get out of my way, I need to hide in the bathtub.”
<Lying down and staring at you>	“Why aren’t you entertaining me by giving me a treat or taking me outside? You’re so boring.”
<Lying down and staring out the window>	“I will pee on that... and that...  and that...”
“ZZZZZ”	“I’m dreaming of treats.”
“ZZZZZ”	“I’m dreaming of peeing on things.”

If you want to reach me, you can email my dad at pimplaskin@gmail.com. Or message me by peeing in the vicinity. Dad will be back next week!