Once upon a time - what a fricking useless that statement is. First of all, if you are writing a story, it clearly happened during a "time". Starting anything with those words is blatantly being cliche as a writer. And I realize that I started with those words. So I should warn you - I may sometimes be cliche.
Secondly, time is forever. Past, present or future. If forever are your limitations, saying "Once upon a time" isn't really offering anything to the reader. So let’s talk about that “forever” capacity. We can easily say something like “that was the best or worst dinner ever". These are classifications you hear every day - you may even be using them right now (i.e. "this is the worst blog ever!").
So what does "ever" really mean? I will submit myself to the humiliation of being the guinea pig to my own experiment.
Best Dinner Ever:
I'm partial to my family's Thanksgiving dinners. Always repeated never imitated. Sometimes stuffing contests happen (those are about the tasting best stuffing, not stuffing of.... nevermind). The crowd changes year to year, but I don't think anyone ever leaves disappointed. At least no one has flicked me off at the end of it. And as much as I love Thanksgivings with the family, it may say a lot about the human condition that the "best" seems to be where no one leaves cussing someone else out (and I realize that some readers may have been cussed out at their last Thanksgiving dinner - and to those people, I just want to let you know that you deserved it. Seriously. Jerk.)
Hypothetically, for most men, the best dinner ever would involve someone, ummm... let's just say pleasuring during. And after, you left to a standing ovation. If I were to get greedy, the dinner would consist of chicken wings, with a side of chicken wings, and a dessert of chicken wings. All served by adoring women chanting my name.... while topless.
That would be the best... Unless it happened at Thanksgiving.
Worst Dinner Ever:
I went on a first date with a girl I was obsessed with. It was a huge night for me - my chance to tell her how awesome she was and show how frickin Pimplaskin I was. Well, I told her how much I wanted to be with her. She spent the first half of the dinner telling me every reason why we couldn’t be together. Nobody said a word during the second half. I didn’t eat a bite. She got her dinner to go. We had a 30 minute ride in mostly silence until she tried to comment on the weather. I turned up the volume on the radio to drown her out.
Oh yea. I married that girl.
Oh. I also divorced her.
So the best can be the worst. And the worst can also be the best - and then also maybe the worst. In reality, extremes really don't exist... for the most part, we are in between.
So this blog isn't about a best or worst. It's not about a stop or start. There is no definition. It's about in between. It's about Pimplaskin. Which means the best ever can also be the worst ever, and the worst ever might not be that bad, and that it really doesn't matter because we are all just trying to be the best we can and put a smile on someone else's face. For me - I hope that smile is yours.
OK - before we go too far, the definition of "Pimp" is:
A pimp is an agent for prostitutes who collects a portion of their earnings. A pimp's job is to advertise their prostitute's services to the proper potential clientele without alerting law enforcement as to their presence, and protect exclusive rights to turf where their prostitutes may operate without competition.
First, I don't know any prostitutes. I know several girls who have a lot of sex - just not with me. I wish they paid me every time they had sex with other guys. That would be a hell of a business model. I'd even give bonuses for cuddle time.
Second, I work in marketing. So if you do want to be a prostitute, I could definitely help you market your, um.... "assets" and find clients... but I've also signed a lot of non-competes in my life. And if there is any crowd I don't want to mess with more than the Pimp and Ho crowd, it's corporate lawyers. So yea, I'm kind of a wuss... therefore not really a "Pimp".
Third, if you have got past the first 2 conditions and still think this might be a place to find or be prostitutes, I should just point out that Pimplaskar is my last name... and while the name might be misleading, it basically means "person from town of Pimpal trees". So unless you are a VERY VERY good looking tree... I'm pretty sure me or my relatives can't help you.
So Pimplaskin - what you are going to get is me. For better or worse.It will definitely be random. You might find it offensive. It will likely be illogical. But you will always be entertained.
What I want from you is your anecdotes.... or your problems... or a picture.... or an illustration.... or a song... or a link... or whatever situation you have that you need commentary about. I'll give advice, as long as you can understand sarcasm. You can send them to pimplaskin@gmail.com. Everything anonymous.... and not returnable. Because as you know - Pimplaskin ain't easy.
Love you all,
Ravi
P.S. I have dog. His name is Rocky. He will give his thoughts sporadically as well. He's gone through a lot so I apologize in advance for his blunt, candid, odd, blatant, and occasionally brilliant commentary.
His story can be researched here if you are inclined: http://helpfindrocky.blogspot.com/
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