Strange - I never noticed that crack in the ceiling. Such an interesting crevice. Maybe 5 or 6 inches long but zigging and zagging in it’s route. Wonder where it might go next? Would it zig again? Or perhaps just make a beeline to the closest wall? How did it get there? Has it always been there and am I just seeing it now? Or did it happen recently? It’s the mystery of the ceiling crack. Perhaps there is a ghost up there. Or better yet - a little hobbit scribing to eventually tell the world about the life of Neil and Naomi.
I can’t believe Naomi still isn’t home. It is now approaching 4:30 am and there is no way this can last. Three nights in a row I’ve been like this - depressed and staring at the ceiling. Life is not meant to be like this. Strangely, I’m not at all concerned about Naomi. Yea - maybe that makes me an asshole. An unconcerned significant other. It’s possible she could be lying unconscious on the road somewhere or maybe even trapped in our condo’s elevator surrounded by a dozen slimy lizards. But why should that make a difference? That would be the excuse this time - but this ain’t the first time.
Am I jealous freak? I would like to think I’m not. I mean - Naomi has made new friends in the past and it never bothered me. So what’s up with this time? Should I care that she is with guys younger that me and that I never met them? Should that make it different? No - I think I should be all for it. She could use a new confidant, a new buddy. Life would be better for Naomi! I just wish I could meet this new confidant.
At least I know this douchebag’s name. Kevin. Three straight nights out with this Kevin with increasingly late end times... somehow there is always a reason that I am not invited. Obviously we don’t have a thriving relationship so I can understand her desire to get away. But does she really have to spend ALL her time with this Kevin and his three nipples? Shouldn’t she be spending some of that time fixing what wrong with us - me and her? And no, I do not know how many nipples Kevin has, but it’s easier for me to think of him with some serious debilitation than otherwise.
Wait - is it possible she won’t come home at all tonight? Wouldn’t that be something. The clock says 4:47. At what point is there no hope? Or at what point do I call the security guard to make sure the elevator is working? Or maybe call the zoo to see if they are missing reptiles from the lizard hut.
Where the heck did that crack come from? I am totally going to seal it up by shooting lasers from my eyes. Concentrate Neil-san! You can do it! Come on boy! DAMN! Foiled again. Friggin eye lasers never work.
Ok - clearly this is a relationship that has to end. I just need to figure out the conversation. How about saying - “Naomi, I think you and 3 nips might have something. I can no longer stand in the way of true happiness. Here’s your share of the security deposit - hopefully that’s enough to cover the nipple removal surgery.”
How the hell do you end something with someone you let your whole life revolve around? I’m mature enough to handle this delicately.... wait, I’ll just leave! Yes! I’ll just go check into a hotel and drive far away tomorrow morning! I’ll buy a banjo and become a singing telegram going from town to town singing songs of love past by to all the forlorn! It totally beats staying here and going to the same boring job after getting 3 hours sleep every night. Although, gotta admit - did like the dumb job when I was well rested. Even if it didn’t involve much banjo playing.
Part 2 Next Week.....
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