September 11, 2013: What Does It All Mean?

It's been 12 years since every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. And 6 years since I originally wrote this - revising each year since. This year, I expected to disagree with some of my sentiments. This wasn't the best year in a lot of ways and perhaps I expected to have turned cynical. Instead, I think I was reminded of some lessons from the younger me. Life doesn't always work out the way you intend, but you are always in control of who you are. We can choose our attitudes and love the life we have - rather than pining for a life we wish we had. And if there is any message to take away from September 11, 2001, it's that we should appreciate what we do have and take none of it for granted. Without further adieu - here are some tips to do just that...  

1. Remember Someone's Name - We all forget names. We call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?", and we start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, or mind on the other end of the line (Note: this does not apply if you actually got an empty chair on the line). Or we meet someone at a party.  A few weeks later, we see them again and have no idea of their name. Frantically, we'll look around for someone else who may the person. Or perhaps even someone we can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. How about instead we put those memory exercises to work! On the phone - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Carlos Danger, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Miley - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Robin Thicke's 'Blurred Lines' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...

2. Introduce someone to someone else - "The more the merrier"! In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd all hang out all the time. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never feel remorse about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Michelle Bachmann and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...

3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds simple! Yet, so many people harbor these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about! And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. Squabble, squabble, squabble... now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track! I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive than it is to forgive. I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...

4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - We all make mistakes - but the word "Sorry" has to have meaning. I'm not saying people should stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people affected are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become overused that it's losing impact. Here's some two rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. There should never be "I'm sorry that Ravi is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! 2) When it's unconditional. For example - "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make try to use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. And when it comes to "Thank You", I'm in the camp of "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description! I hesitate to say that we should say "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with something any good friend would do. And while we're here...

5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been many times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...

6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" We all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk. But, in the scenario above, how much time did my friend take to ask if I was OK? Three seconds? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life, but she's concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she's willing to put everything on hold. Do we really not have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if the answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning is what goes around comes around. So next time your phone buzzes during a time when you are too busy to answer, try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".

7. Honesty is the best Policy - I am a miserable liar, so I gave up trying at some point. Since then, I've learned that telling the truth isn't all that bad! People appreciate that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, accept and understand the truth. I can't tell you how many times friends have told me they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting feelings". I doubt any of them really have the intent to offend someone or hurt feelings - they are all good people! So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not that the person you are worried about offending might empathize with you. And if not - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.

8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard over the last year.  I'm guilty of making some of them myself. While we search for who we want to become and what we don't have - we should learn to appreciate who we are today and what we DO have. I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...

Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.  I love you all.

Written in honor of the brave men and women who serve.  

End of The World Do's and Don'ts

So apparently the Mayans have decided the world is going to end on Friday. My first reaction was “Cool - I don’t have to pay my bills this month!”  However, while I was going through the process of not paying my bills, certain other thoughts occurred to me. Like, “Why the hell did I just buy groceries when the world is going to end Friday!” ... and “Hey! Cool topic - let’s blog about the end of the world!”

For those who haven’t heard, many years ago the Mayans made a calendar that apparently expires this Friday.  While this might sound scary, what makes it really frightening is that the Mayans weren't even nice enough to tell us HOW the world will end. So we will all have to surmise what we think it'll look like. 

Perhaps the whole world will be enveloped in flames and we will all be left as particle dust. Or maybe the world will spin into a massive orbit until we are all thrown in different directions destined to float as particle matter throughout the universe for eternity. These possibilities, however, sound very a little too scientifically probable. And if there is one thing I know for sure - it's that you can't trust science.

Which leads us to another possibility - religion. The religious types predict something called the Rapture will happen.  Now truth be told, they have predicted the Rapture many times in the past and have been wrong, but that's even more reason to believe it'll be true this time. We're overdue.  

The Rapture predicts that graves will open, “saved” souls will rise to the heavens, and the rest among us who are temporarily spared will be forced to live among disease, death, and destruction for 5 months until we are finally put out of our misery when the Earth is annihilated - which I believe is the premise for every zombie movie Hollywood ever made. Now there is an upside - after the earth is annihilated, a new Earth will be created for the "saved souls".  But I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that very few of my readers will be among that group.

So yea - that’s what we are looking forward to.  We're all dying sometime between Friday and 5 months from now. But considering this outcome has been affirmed by the 2 most believable things we know in life, Hollywood and religion, it's certain to be true.

Now, it might occur to some of you that with the world coming to an imminent end, there are probably better things to be doing than reading a blog post. I mean think about the last time we thought the world might end - May 21, 2011 (thank you Harold Camping). How bummed would you have been if you had been reading a blog post that night when - well, when nothing at all happened. That being said, this could very well be the most important blog post you’ll ever read as I aim to provide you with tips of what to do and what not to do on Friday night. So this is my parting gift to you as we prepare for the End of World as We Know It (and I feel fine):

DON’T Tell someone you love them. I’m telling you now - don’t waste your time. The best case scenario is “I love you too”, but who cares - you won’t be around to enjoy that mutual love. Worst case scenario is they don’t tell you the same and you head into the end of world unrequited. Wait, actually worse case scenario is that you say it to someone who ends up as a zombie. And then you get chased around by a love struck zombie for 5 months.

DO Tell someone you hate them. On the flip side, what better way to celebrate everyone’s demise than telling your arch nemesis how much they suck? There’s no sense in seeking forgiveness or calling a truce when there is no tomorrow. So why not just use them to vent your end of the world frustrations? Trust me, there is only upside in this.

DON’T Visit the grocery store. Why spend money on something Friday that will be available for free Saturday?

DO Visit your local bar. This is a much better way of utilizing your rainy day funds. Besides, with the right amount of alcohol, you stand to forget that the world even ended Saturday morning. (“Uhhhh hey - I feel like the world ended last night....  what happened?”)

DON’T Pray for forgiveness. While it may be true that saved souls do rise to the heavens with the promise of an eventual return to earth, it’s likely too late for you. Why waste your time? Besides, this earth is going to be annihilated in 5 months anyway. Do you really want to take your chances with this “new earth”? The rest of those “saved souls” probably aren’t all that much fun anyway.

DO Streak Naked. While this suggestion is partly because there are some of you I would like to see naked, it also is because Friday night will be the last time you have the option to streak naked without the possibility of getting eaten by a zombie.

DON’T Worry where your friends and family are. If there is ever a time to live in the present and not the past or future, it’ll be Friday night. Is mom calling on the phone? Hit ignore. No time for chit chat with Mom when you’re trying to make the most of your last few moments.

DO Eat pop rocks and drink coke at the same time. The Mayan End of the World thing isn’t a myth, so why not see what other myths might be true? If your stomach explodes, who cares - you’re only living 5 more months anyway. 

And with that, I wish you all well this Friday night. Oh, and just so you all know - I hate you.

How we may create monsters... and how we might be able to stop

The national debate following the tragedy in Connecticut on Friday has mainly centered around two issues: policies on gun control and mental health care.  I wanted to push the debate in a bit of a different direction with this post. I have been sitting here thinking for 2 days wondering what I can do besides pushing our policy makers to change our gun laws or find a way to improve access to behavioral health care.  In other words, are there things we can do as society to help in the prevention of these tragedies?

Some small background - many, many years ago when I was in high school, a bomb when off in a locker at our school. It's been awhile, so I'm hazy on a lot of the details (if anyone from my HS is reading this and has a different memory of events, feel free to correct), but the end result was that while one person got singed, no one else got hurt. Still, the school was evacuated and everyone was sent home. It ended up being that one student who was being bullied ended up planting the bomb in another kid's locker - the alleged bully's locker.  

I remember in the days following the incident, the kid who planted the bomb became somewhat of a sympathetic figure because of the bullying. He was kind of a loner. Dressed different. Carried a briefcase around school. Was very quiet. And had few friends, if any. I don't know if he had any known psychological problems - but he did become somewhat of a victim when details emerged. Although I am certain that would have been different had the end result been worse.

The reason that I'm sharing this background is that after reading about the Sandy Hook shooter, the Columbine shooter, and others, there are a lot of similarities in the profile of the shooters and the kid who planted the bomb in my high school over 20 years ago. The statements about people who went to High School with the Sandy Hook shooter were things like "I don't remember him", "He didn't have any friends", or "I'm not surprised - he was weird."  There also seems to be some evidence he was largely ignored by his family as well.

Let me be very clear, I am in no way saying we should feel bad for this mass murderer after what he has done. It was a despicable action and he deserves to be briefly despised and then forgotten.  But if we agree with the premise that these killers were not pre-destined out of the womb to commit these acts, but the course of their life drove them in that direction, we should look to how we as a society can serve to change that. In the memory of those beautiful children who lost their lives, I believe we should all look inward at what we can do to make the world a better place - a place where horrors like this do not happen.

We live in a way where we reject people almost daily because of the way they dress, the way they look, the way they talk, what they believe, the pets they own, the cars they drive, the homes they live in, the job they do, and the teams they root for. We run away from people who are different because we don't understand them. We should seek to understand. 

We all share in the human condition. But when it comes down to it, in many instances where respect for the human condition is lost, it's because someone can't see beyond those differences into the human underneath. Instead of running away from people's differences, we should seek to embrace them. And even if we can't embrace them, maybe we'll at least be able to accept and tolerate.

So, in the aftermath of this tragedy, as we all look for answers and things we can do to make the world better - we should begin to learn ourselves and then, in turn, teach our children the value of differences. And maybe next time you come across someone you might normally turn away from or reject because they are different - perhaps we should turn to them and say "Hey friend - how are you doing?"  You never know. You could be saving a life.

I welcome all respectful commentary to this that serves to push the conversation of how to prevent unspeakable tragedies from happening forward. 

In loving memory to those that lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary.

What Does It All Mean?

It's been 11 years since each and every one of us tried to make sense of the senseless. We spent days, months, and some of us years trying, and failing, to find some meaning to a day of tragedy. It's entirely possible that there are those among us that are still trying. The question posed in the subject of this e-mail may suggest that I have an answer and it's somewhere in the body of this e-mail. Let's get this out of the way quickly - I don't and it isn't. What I would like to share, however, are some things I have learned in the last 9 years trying to find an answer. Let's call them " Pimplaskin's Tips for Making the World Awesome, Yo!".

1. Remember Someone's Name - There isn't one of us out there who has began talking to someone and within minutes forgotten the name of the person we are speaking with. Think about it - every time you call customer service, a smiling voice answers, "Hi - this is Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair, how may I help you?". Then you start ranting and raving without really any consideration for the ear, body, and mind on the other end of the line (although this may not be the case had you actually got an empty chair on the line - but that's another matter). Other times you may meet someone at a party, see them again and have no idea what there name is. Frantically, you'll look around for someone else who may know that person or perhaps even someone you can send over so THEY can introduce themselves and promptly forget the person's name. So let's try this... next time we are calling customer service or at a party, put those memory exercises to work. If calling customer service - jot the person's name down on a pad so you can personally thank him or her when the call is through. Even better, call them by their name during the call (and please, not after the words "F YOU!"). At a party, repitition is the key. Say their name during the course of the conversation, as in "So, Naomi, do you have any idea whose party this is?" or "Placido - can you hand me that potato peeler over there. I'm going to do my lip synch routine to Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe' and I need a faux microphone". If having conversations isn't your strong suit - a simple way to repeat their name is to simply introduce them to someone else! Which brings me to the next tip...

2. Introduce someone to someone else - One of my mottos is "the more the merrier". In my ideal world, everyone on the planet would be friends with each other and we'd just always be in one everlasting party. Well, until I'm president of the world, I've decided to make do with just, um, forcing all my friends to be friends with one another. This has worked to varying degrees, but I never really feel bad about "having world's collide" (yes, a Seinfeld reference for those who watched the show). I realize that some folks out there just don't get along - Dayana Mendoza and Lisa Lampanelli, the NFL Players and Roger Goodell, Jon Hamm and Kim Kardshian, Kelly Taylor and Valerie Malone, Sarah Palin and every rational human - and that's OK. Without these tiffs, what would we ever gossip about? But just because of these potential petty squabbles, does that mean we should deny people the opportunity to meet a potentially great friend? Oh - speaking of petty squabbles...

3. Forgive, or at least attempt to forgive - This one sounds so simple, doesn't it? So then why do I hear about so many people harboring these long term grudges - in some cases so long that they have forgot what the initial squabble was about? And while we're at it, isn't squabble an awesome word? OK - so that's off the topic, but say squabble three times fast and I bet it makes you smile. See, now aren't you in the mood to forgive someone? Good - we're back on track... Anyway, I've learned that it's harder and takes more energy NOT to forgive someone than it is to forgive them. Trust me, I've tried to lose friends and failed miserably (you know who you are!). So - try and forgive, and if you fail, at least you know you tried. That counts for something. Because, after all, you never know when you are going to want someone to forgive you. Which brings us too...

4. Use "Thank You" and "Sorry" more appropriately - Look, we all make mistakes - but we all need to say "Sorry" less. I'm not asking people to stop screwing up. It happens - and when it does, hopefully the people you are affecting are forgiving. But "Sorry" has become way overused that it's becoming meaningless in context. Here's some quick rules on when to say sorry: 1) If you are at fault. 2) When it's unconditional. There should never be "I'm sorry that Pimplaskin is such a jerk!". That makes no sense! I'm the one that should apologizing for being a jerk, not you! And there certainly shouldn't be a "I'm sorry my finger poked you in the eye, but really your eye should watch where it's going when it's around my finger." Sorry shouldn't come with an excuse. So let's make sure that we use our "Sorrys" when they are genuinely called for and needed. Along the lines of "Thank You", I'm in the camp of there are "No Thank Yous needed" if I'm doing you a favor. I'm your friend, it's in the job description to do you a favor. I hesitate to say that we should use "Thank You" less - because that's not quite right. But I'd rather someone just randomly say "Thank You for being my friend" than thank me after I helped them with some arduous chore. And while we're here...

5. Tell someone how much you appreciate them - Think of the last time you heard someone say the words "You're awesome!" or "You're such a good friend". Didn't it make you smile? At the end of each day, I reflect on what happened to me that day and try and decide whether it was a "plus day" or a "minus day". There's been a couple times that a potentially "minus day" turns into a "plus day" simply cause I remembered that someone I love said something nice to me. It can be that simple to make someone's day. Why wouldn't you want to make someone's day more often? Along those lines...

6. A Simple "How are you doing?" can go a long way - A good friend that I admire will answer the phone even when she's busy and say something to the effect of "Hey, I'm busy right now... but is everything OK?" I know we all get caught up in our lives and sometimes don't have time to talk to someone. But really, in the scenario above, how much actual time did my friend take to ask me if I was OK? Three seconds, perhaps? In that three seconds she told me she's busy with her life right now, but she's still concerned about me - and in the unfortunate circumstance that something is not OK, she might be willing to put everything on hold for a moment to help me out. Are we really that self-absorbed that we don't have three seconds to ask "How are you doing?"? And if your answer is "Well, what if they DO have a problem? Then I'd have to deal with it!" - well, my only warning to you is what goes around comes around. So let's try this - next time your phone buzzes during a time where you are normally too busy to answer, let's try saying "Hey friend - things are really crazy right now so I only have a minute... but, tell me, how are you doing?".

7. Honesty is the best Policy - Since I have always been a miserable liar, at some point in my life I just gave up trying. In that time I learned that telling the truth isn't really all that bad! People usually appreciate the fact that you are up front, and if phrased correctly, people actually accept and understand the truth. It sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how many times friends have told me how they lied to their friends, boss, parents, etc. because they were afraid of "offending someone" or "hurting their feelings". I don't think any of you are evil people... well, not intentionally at least - so I doubt you really have the intent to offend someone or hurt their feelings with your actions. So try and explain your actions, and I bet you find more often than not the person who are worried about offending might empathize with you. And really - what's worse... taking the chance of telling someone the truth or taking the chance of getting caught lying? Trust me - you are more likely to lose a friend and have your pants catch on fire doing the latter.

8. Appreciate your own self-worth - It's all too easy to complain about what we don't have - "I don't have enough money!", "I hate my job!", "I hate being single!" or "I hate NOT being single!" - all are complaints I've heard more than once over the last year. And trust me - I'm guilty of making some of the same complaints myself. While we wander around searching for who we are and what we don't have - maybe we should learn to appreciate who we are and what we DO have. And I'm going to start... I appreciate having all of you in my life! And to show my appreciation, I'm going to help you all appreciate your own self-worth! Each and every one of you has touched my life in some way in the past, present, and, I can only hope, in the future. I value the relationships I have with all of you - if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain it. This means if for nothing else, you have value to me! And because of that, I want to say thank you for being you, tell you that you are a wonderful person, ask you how you are doing, and also tell you that I know your name even though I'm not specifically mentioning it in this sentence...

Which brings us back to the question posed in the subject line. "What did it all mean?" September 11th, 2001 means something different to each and every one of us and we may spend our whole lives figuring out exactly what that is. But even though there is no definitive answer to this question, that doesn't mean we should stop our journey. Just make sure that along the way you take the time to appreciate who you are and be grateful for what you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Stop to pet a dog once in awhile. Take time out to stop, breathe, and look around. Smell the roses if you aren't allergic. Turn your cell phone off for an hour and tune in to the person sitting in front of you. Live in the present rather than the past or the future. Smile at a random stranger as you pass them on the street - or better yet, give them a compliment. Pick up the check, especially if you're out with me. And give a slightly bigger tip. Give blood. Dance and sing in the morning. Sing and dance at night. Be willing to lend a helping hand. Jump off the last stair with both feet. Always remember to treat people with the respect they deserve as humans. And Never Forget 9/11/01.

I Love You All.

Why The Bible should be the next book you read in book club

I'm not currently in a book club. But I do read a lot. Every time I finish a book, I feel invigorated. You know how it is - you get a sense of accomplishment. You are excited from the experience. You want to know what happens next. You want to interact with the characters. You want MORE!  A good book might change your life - and that is the amazing power of the written word.

But the thing about books - they are written in a moment of time. The world changes. Life changes. Do you accept everything you read today as the truth?  At one point, the world was flat, evolution was ridiculous, and women were inferior. Do you still accept that?

So here's what I don't get: why do people hold so steadfast to a religious belief on marriage when, at best, it's one interpretation of a book written thousands of year ago?

Every single day, we wake up with the option to love our fellow man and allow them to live with the same freedoms we do. 

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Apparently The Bible says the same thing. If you interpret it differently, that's your choice.   No one is saying your interpretation is wrong. We all choose what we want to believe. But if you staunchly believe in the teachings of the Bible, why not agree with everything it says?  

It's a great book.  But it's still a book written in a moment of time and interpreted 100s of different ways.  In the 1600s, one interpretation put people to death because of alleged "witchcraft". Wouldn't you challenge that meaning if it happened today?  After all, there are interpreters of the Bible who feel that gay people should be put to death for their "sin".

So I ask you : How far are you willing to take this interpretation without thinking for yourself?  Are you willing to let history classify you in the same charge as those who believed in witches?  I challenge you to find the passages on charity, love, marriage, sin, and equality and openly talk about them in your next book club meeting and what it all means. 

This will be a moment of time in our history. If you accept that people of different sexual preferences are among us and should be allowed to exist as our fellow man as equals - denying their equal rights will one day put you on the wrong side of history. And when that day comes, I promise you the Bible will not be interpreted as if homosexual love was "wrong", but rather that it was meant to be. 

T.C.A.G.

Trust yourself. Trust your nature. Trust who you are and that you are right. Trust your mind. Trust that you can get through anything. Trust who you love. Trust that your life is yours and no one else. Trust what you believe - and nothing else should matter.

Challenge yourself. Challenge what you are told. Challenge what are norms and what is accepted. Challenge the world. Challenge your love. Challenge that your life is yours and no one should dictate it. Challenge what others believe - and strengthen what you believe in.

Accept yourself. Accept your faults. Accept you make mistakes. Accept that you are different and that allows for disagreement.  Accept that there is compromise. Accept that you have weakness. Accept that you know yourself better that anyone else, and no one can tell you otherwise.

Give yourself. Give with all your heart.  Give to those you care about. Give to those you love.  Give your time. Give your attention. Give all of what you have until there is no more to give. Give your mind. Give your soul. Give what you can - and you'll receive more than you would ever ask.

Are you a good decision maker?

The interesting thing about giving people advice is that they usually don't want it. All they want is validation that they are right. If you don't think what they think - then you are wrong. So at a certain point the best thing you can tell people is to trust themselves. Of course, that brings us back to original dilemma - they still are asking you if what they are doing is right. So to give those people some peace of mind, I decided to google tips on how to make good decisions that we can all use the evaluate our decision making abilities. These were the results.... with my commentary added of course:

1. Make your decision in advance: Our biggest problem is that we have not pre-destined all of our actions. If we already had robotically planned what we should do in any given situation, we would have no problems. So, for tomorrow, I have decided I will make a million dollars. 

2. Trust your gut: People always talk about whether they should listen to their heart or their head. Apparently the answer is neither. You should listen to your gut. Make your belly button talk. Are you doing it? Good. Then just trust what your belly button said and go with it.

3. Know when to trust experience: Have you been here before? Think of the decision you made in previous situations and evaluate whether that is your preferred scenario. For example, if your preferred scenario is to be in Keira Knightley's bed and you have never achieved that, you are probably doing something wrong. 

4. Activate your network: If you are a terrible decision maker, you should just rely on others to tell you what to do. So in other words, join a cult.

5. Choose your battles: If you have thought way too much over the decision, you have stagnated. Life is going on around you. And you are missing it because you can't choose right, left, up, down, back, forth....  we will never know for sure what's the best way to go. But if we agonize over that and don't choose a direction, we wouldn't grow, experience more, and become who we are destined to be. So at some point we all need to let it go, let life take us.....  and smile.

Let Freedom Ring (Inside of You)

Last week those of us that live in the United States celebrated 235 years of our country’s Independence. This has a large significance to some – to others it’s simply a day to get together with family and friends. However you celebrate is your choice, your freedom. There is no set rule or ritual. And that’s part of why we should never take living in this country for granted.

To be “free” means a lot of different things depending on whom you are.  Even if I follow my own "crazy" liberal agenda, I can decipher that what this country offers is a lot better than what other places have. At a certain point, though, to get all the way to “freedom”, things have to stop being a legal doctrine and start being an individual responsibility. For example, there is a point where freedom of speech and thought intersects with freedom of race, religion, gender, and sexual preference.  So while I’m going to stop short of saying that you shouldn’t say what you want or feel, I am going to ask that we all take a moment to consider the impact of our words.

As an example, overheard on July 4^th as the fireworks were in full glorious, patriotic display were the words: “Take that you Islamic jerks!”

I’ve edited those words for content.

As much as I enjoy the enthusiasm felt during the moment, the choice of words left something to be desired on a day when we are supposed to be celebrating “Independence” and “freedom”.  This isn’t a blog asking you to reconsider your views on the world. It is a blog asking you to think about the choice of words and the impact it has. Considering the above statement was used during a crowded fireworks show in the Nation’s capital, it certainly could have been overheard by many. And the same can be said about commentary I’ve heard disparaging many others who are, technically, allotted the supposed freedoms granted by living in this great country.

So as we move forward, let’s all stay patriotic and support our troops who serve, fight, and protect for our freedoms. But let’s also take a few moments to question whether we live and respect those freedoms from others on a daily basis. I realize there are a lot of freedoms that we are granted "legally" that don't exist in other places in the world. But take that a step further and think about the messages you send in speech and thoughts and question if you are accurately portraying the concept of freedom on an individual level. I certainly do not want to snub any of our armed services who have chosen to dedicate their profession to serve and protect the USA. But I do think there is more than "fighting" for freedom and "protecting" our freedom. It's also about each one of us individually living and believing in it. And I do believe if we all did live and believe in true "freedom" and "equality", then perhaps the need to have those who serve, fight, and protect would be a lot less.

Evil Daddy

The last couple weeks have been a little crazy with me trying to adjust to a different schedule. It's taken a toll on me - but apparently it's taken a toll on my dog as well. He requested a spot this week in my blog, so turning it over to him for this post:

So I have been informed that this is a blog read by mostly humans. I am thankful for that because an audience of dogs wouldn’t help me. I understand why dogs do what they do. Humans on the other hand, I sometimes really don't get them. Even the human that I know best in the world, my Daddy, makes little sense to me.

For example, a few weeks ago Daddy started leaving home during the day again. The first day he decided to be nice and give me access to all the yummy stuff in the fridge when he left for work. So I went in and helped myself to the spaghetti sauce he made the night before. I was so appreciative of Daddy doing this to me, I licked the entire container clean so he wouldn't have to clean it out for me when he returned home. I also left him one of the containers so he would have some of it when he came home.

Anyway, when Daddy returned home, he got mad and started gesturing at the floor. And then he took out a towel and this scary spray bottle and started scrubbing the floor. I mean, I'm a dog. And plus it's not like he left me a plate, fork, and knife when he left the house. I even had to open the container myself - and I'm not like a human! I don't have opposable thumbs! You can imagine how difficult opening it was! So explain how was I supposed to NOT get spaghetti sauce on the floor! If he really wanted me to eat it the right way, he should have just left it in my food bowl before he left. Of course, sometimes I like to dump my food bowl on the floor when he leaves just to show him that I was thinking of him while he was gone (which he also gets mad about sometimes - see you people make no sense! I am just trying to show Daddy I care and he totally takes it the wrong way!) but I certainly wouldn't have had he left me yummy spaghetti sauce.

Since that incident, Evil Daddy has begun to lock the fridge again to prevent me from getting in. And more recently, Evil Daddy has started putting things on his bed to make it more difficult for me to take the sheets off his bed and use them to hide my bones in case someone comes and tries to steal them while he's gone. I mean, I can still pull clothes out of his hamper to hide the bones, but I think we can all agree that sheets provide better cover for bones! So please, all you humans out there that read this - can you tell me how I can get Nice Daddy back that leaves the fridge unlocked and the bed unmade? 

To the Extreme

At some point in the last several years, a good portion of American society has deemed that it is uncool to be “in the middle”. Or “normal”. As a self-proclaimed socialist, I don’t absolve myself of this phenomenon. However, I don’t want to get political in this blog. There are many flaws in our political system and people pushing themselves further right or left is only one of the issues. Besides, it’s not only our political views where I’ve noticed people take things to the extreme. 

For example, how many times have you heard someone express to you that this is the “worst day ever” (I can hear the Simpson’s comic book guy now). It would stand to reason that your worst day ever would be the day that you die – so the fact that you can stand in front of me and utter that phrase automatically disqualifies this particular day being your worst day. Unless you are uttering it from your death bed, of course.

But even taking that further, let’s say you were only trying to point out that it was the worst day you’ve had in your life up until that point. This is a much more probable possibility. The problem arises with when you ask someone “Why, what’s wrong?” Typically you’ll get a mumbled answer along the line of “Oh – someone is a jerk at work, I have a headache, someone cut in front of me in the line at Starbucks, I had to pay way too much for gas…”  Now while these are all unfortunate incidents and combined they would make for a highly unfortunate day, I’d say if that is your worst day ever, you probably lead a semi charmed life (cue Third Eye Blind).

The same can be applied to whenever we label something as the “Best ever”. The definition of “ever”, by the way, indicates any time – past, present OR future. Are we so confident as to label something as the best ever when we don’t have any comparison into the future? Anything short of Emmett Brown’s time machine from Back to the Future would prevent anyone from proving you wrong. But it would also take Rufus from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure to prove you right.

As time and life go by, the more we push ourselves to extremes, the further we get from understanding the true human condition. Most of us are simply trying to get along with our lives and do the best we can. Some days we do better than others. There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself in extremes, but at the same time a communication that gravitates to a more “middle” state would make it easier for people to understand you and for you to understand them.

So while I invite everyone to continue to express their individuality – perhaps this weekend instead of saying “WOW – this is the best movie ever!” or “This is the most wasted I’ve been ever!” we should try and communicate what we really mean. For example, “I really enjoyed that movie. The characters were great and I was entertained throughout. It’s possible it’s up there among my personal favorites. What did you think?” Or “I’m really drunk right now. And it’s totally possible that I love you, but it’s likely that’s just the alcohol talking. If you would like to dance that would be cool, but overall, I just want to know if you are enjoying your night. But if you can just hold on for a second, I need to vomit.”

Send any commentary to pimplaskin@gmail.com. Talk to you again in a few days!

Possibilities - A Love or Hate Story, Part 2

This is part 2 of a short story.  Read part 1 here.

Perhaps leaving town and becoming a traveling carnival freak is the answer. It has to be better than sitting here depressed, drinking a six pack every night, waiting for the girl of your dreams to pry herself off of one of three nipples.

Wait, did I just classify Naomi as the girl of my dreams? Gotta admit, that even sounds odd to me. How could she be the girl of my dreams when she’s galavanting all around town with a guy who possibly could need a jockstrap for his chest? I’ve been with girls who were the jealous type - hating that I had other friends who were women. They will always ask about your woman friends “Why aren’t you with her?”.  Let me tell you - there is no right answer to that question. If you say they aren’t your type, you get called out on being judgmental. You say anything else - well, let’s just say you end up sleeping alone that night. And maybe for several nights beyond that.

I’ve also been with the clingy types. You know, the girls that need to do everything with you. “Hey doll - I’m heading out to get my colon cleansed.” “Wait - let me get my sweater!”.  Maybe I should get my colon cleansed. I hear you can lose 8-10 pounds that way.

And then there is the dependent types. These ones can seem so sweet - except when you are their boyfriend. Then you have to pretend to care and be mortified about how they “went to work and some girls said her toenails were painted a strange color and that girl is such a bitch and probably wears a wig and....”

Naomi isn't any of those. Apparently she's just the cheating type. Perhaps that should be forgivable. I'm sure there is some part of this that is my fault anyway. Cheating certainly does seem more tolerable than all of the above problems. At least the indiscretion isn't personally shoved in your face.

The banjo playing is looking like a better idea. I totally would be awesome at it too. 

“I’m Neil and banjo playing’s my thang

Here to brighten you day, that’s what I sang!

Your life might suck, but hey, so does mine

But at least we have only two nipples, that’s divine!”

OK, so maybe the banjo ain’t necessary. And maybe the lyrics need work. And perhaps it would work better as a rap song. Either way, there are possibilities. 

And what possibilities do I have now. I could just go sit in front of the door waiting to confront her. And then when she walked in, I’d tell it to her straight. I’ll say “Look, Naomi, I’m sorry I don’t have as many nipples as you prefer in a man. I think we should split up.”

That sounds reasonable enough. I just need to grab some more beer to make sure I go through with it. How many more... Two? Three? Maybe just one extra for the hobbit in the ceiling. Is it bad that I need beer to help me through this? Well, I guess the upshot would be if she walked in with Kevin, the 4 beers I have would be enough for all of us. Me, Naomi, Kevin, and Kevin’s 3rd nipple. What a party that would be! 

So this was finally gonna be it! I was going to wait up for Naomi. Where to wait though? I could wait in our old bed which is now her bed because she kept sleeping in it the one night I decided to go sleep in the guest room. I’ve remained in the guest room since I still haven’t got the apology I deserved that night. She would definitely not miss me there - barring her not coming home, which I’m not dismissing as a possibility. However, it’s more likely I pass out in there, which might be misconstrued or even invite anger - could go either way.

So the living room is likely a safer bet. I’m just going to sit in the living room chair and wait until she walks in. Maybe if I do that I won’t even have to say anything. She’d just look at me and know and just spill the beans herself! I’ll give her the “guilt” look my mom used to give me. Let’s just get some practice going in front of the mirror. Ok, maybe I can’t get this down...  it looks like I just need to fart.

Alright - gonna crack open the beer and wait. And, oh! There it is - the key in the lock. Look casual - take a sip. There she is opening the door! Give her the fart look!

“Hey - sorry I’m late. You have to work tomorrow, don’t drink all those beers. Make that your last one. I’m going to bed. Good night.”

Say something dammit! "Ok. Night!"

Not that you idiot!  And now she's already in the main bedroom with the door closed...  

I guess the confrontation can wait for another night. And maybe there will be other possibilities.

Possibilities - A Love or Hate Story, Part 1

Strange - I never noticed that crack in the ceiling. Such an interesting crevice. Maybe 5 or 6 inches long but zigging and zagging in it’s route. Wonder where it might go next? Would it zig again? Or perhaps just make a beeline to the closest wall? How did it get there? Has it always been there and am I just seeing it now? Or did it happen recently? It’s the mystery of the ceiling crack. Perhaps there is a ghost up there. Or better yet - a little hobbit scribing to eventually tell the world about the life of Neil and Naomi.

I can’t believe Naomi still isn’t home. It is now approaching 4:30 am and there is no way this can last. Three nights in a row I’ve been like this - depressed and staring at the ceiling. Life is not meant to be like this. Strangely, I’m not at all concerned about Naomi. Yea - maybe that makes me an asshole. An unconcerned significant other. It’s possible she could be lying unconscious on the road somewhere or maybe even trapped in our condo’s elevator surrounded by a dozen slimy lizards. But why should that make a difference? That would be the excuse this time - but this ain’t the first time.

Am I jealous freak? I would like to think I’m not. I mean - Naomi has made new friends in the past and it never bothered me. So what’s up with this time? Should I care that she is with guys younger that me and that I never met them? Should that make it different? No - I think I should be all for it. She could use a new confidant, a new buddy. Life would be better for Naomi! I just wish I could meet this new confidant.

At least I know this douchebag’s name. Kevin. Three straight nights out with this Kevin with increasingly late end times...  somehow there is always a reason that I am not invited. Obviously we don’t have a thriving relationship so I can understand her desire to get away. But does she really have to spend ALL her time with this Kevin and his three nipples? Shouldn’t she be spending some of that time fixing what wrong with us - me and her?  And no, I do not know how many nipples Kevin has, but it’s easier for me to think of him with some serious debilitation than otherwise.

Wait - is it possible she won’t come home at all tonight? Wouldn’t that be something. The clock says 4:47. At what point is there no hope? Or at what point do I call the security guard to make sure the elevator is working? Or maybe call the zoo to see if they are missing reptiles from the lizard hut.

Where the heck did that crack come from? I am totally going to seal it up by shooting lasers from my eyes. Concentrate Neil-san! You can do it! Come on boy! DAMN! Foiled again. Friggin eye lasers never work.

Ok - clearly this is a relationship that has to end. I just need to figure out the conversation.  How about saying - “Naomi, I think you and 3 nips might have something. I can no longer stand in the way of true happiness. Here’s your share of the security deposit - hopefully that’s enough to cover the nipple removal surgery.”

How the hell do you end something with someone you let your whole life revolve around? I’m mature enough to handle this delicately....  wait, I’ll just leave!  Yes! I’ll just go check into a hotel and drive far away tomorrow morning!  I’ll buy a banjo and become a singing telegram going from town to town singing songs of love past by to all the forlorn! It totally beats staying here and going to the same boring job after getting 3 hours sleep every night. Although, gotta admit - did like the dumb job when I was well rested. Even if it didn’t involve much banjo playing.

Part 2 Next Week.....

Potential

As he looked at her, there was something that he thought he took for granted. It wasn’t her. That could never be the case. It was her potential.

Potential is the abilities within a person that can be developed and lead to future successes. All of us are born with some level of it. Those who achieve it do so because they desire more. They are interested in accomplishment.

Those who do no achieve it become distracted. He never wanted to be a distraction. But now he wondered if he was.

As younger people, he looked at her and saw a girl with overwhelming passion and strength who could challenge even the best in the world. Now, as elders, he saw someone who he had failed.

He had once seen the motivation. They both had the desire to be better people. To do things in the world and make it a better place. They talked at length about conquering social injustice, charitable causes, and fulfilling the passions and dreams they had shared.

Then life had happened. First, a death in the family. Then a job loss. Then an accidental pregnancy. The raising of a child. The affair. The near ending of the relationship.

From each one they had recovered. But at what cost? One by one, personal and professional opportunities were sacrificed. Little by little, the unfulfilled potential seemingly became more impossible to achieve.

He thought about all they had fought through. Alone, their pain would have been half as much and maybe that potential would have been reached. Together, they had to manage their relationship and make tough choices and compromises along the way. They were always willing. It was for the betterment of them, their family, their life.

But what life was it? Had they been happy?

He looked at her now and saw her looking the other way and gazing off in the distance. He wondered if her thoughts had travelled the same path. Was this a gaze of sorrow and regret?

He said to her, “I’m sorry baby. I’ve let you down. You could have been so much more.”

She turned and he could see her eyes filled with imagination and passion just like he had seen in her as a young girl.

“No sweetheart. You didn’t let me down. You’ve held me up.”

It was then he realized that the potential was still there. It hadn’t gone away through the years. He stood up, grabbed both her hands, helped her stand up, and stared deep into those passionate eyes.

“Then - let’s go accomplish something.”

It's never too late to realize your potential.

Shattering Labels

I have an amusing, perhaps ridiculous, last name. Names are our most defining characteristic. It’s given to us when we are born and unless you undergo some sort of legal process it stays with you until it’s etched on your tombstone, urn, or whatever when you pass.

We go through life with our name as our stamp. You put it on the top of every paper you write throughout school. It’s the first line on your college applications. I hope it’s the first line on your resume - if not, that might explain why you’re unemployed. It’s right there when you file your taxes. When you introduce yourself, it’s what you say.

Our second most defining characteristic is our age. People may try to hide from it, others may revel in it (my neighbor has a kid who proudly pronounces that he is “8 and a half” whenever he sees me). It’s an indication of our passing of years. Some try to claim it’s an indication of wisdom. It is not. It’s just a number.

So we have our name and our age. That’s who we are. And it certainly is enough to distinguish people from one another. I ask any of my friends if they would ever get confused if someone said “Do you know the 36 year old Ravi Pimplaskar?” 

“Which one?”

People choose to individualize themselves further. They get tattoos or piercings. Or make certain fashion choices. This is how we express ourselves. It’s making a statement. People may interpret that statement differently. But that’s what makes personal statements so great - they are open to interpretation. 

But that doesn’t define us. It’s an expression of what we are - what we do. Saying “She’s the gal with the tattoo” tells you nothing about that particular person. If it does, you are stretching and jumping to conclusions.

People also choose to identify with different things. My heritage is Indian. I root for (mostly) teams from Pittsburgh. I am a Democrat (likely socialist). I have a blog with my name on it. These associations are how we have chosen to relate. People may choose to feel about certain associations differently. But that’s what makes associations so great - they are susceptible to feelings.

But these associations don’t define us. It’s simply proof of being a living, breathing individual. Saying “He’s the socialist who roots for the Steelers” shouldn’t tell you how you feel about that person one way or another.

I base my life on human interaction. I care about your name because that’s what I want to call you. I don’t care about anything else. You be who you want to be. I’ll be who I am. Free of judgment. 

That’s how I want to live life. 

The Coming Out Party

I am gay.

This is me coming out because I don’t want to go home with a random female.

I am gay.

This is me coming out because I think a marriage contract is about legality not about love.

I am gay.

This is me coming out because society doesn’t believe that true love exists.

I am gay. 

This is me coming out because I don’t care what you think.

I am gay.

This is me coming out because if saying "I am straight" means I am part of the majority - I would rather not.

I am gay.

This is me coming out and saying, if the world won't accept who we love, then it really doesn't matter who we are.

I am happy. Because if you have read this far, it's because life isn't about judgment.

I am Ravi. Who are you? 

Rapture Dos and Don'ts

It was pointed out to me a few days ago that the world is supposed to end on Saturday. My first reaction was “Cool - I don’t have to pay my bills this month!”  However, while I was going through the process of not paying my bills, certain other thoughts occurred to me. Like, “Why the hell did I start a new blog 2 weeks before the world was supposed to end?” ... and “Hey! Cool topic - let’s blog about the end of the world!”

For those who haven’t heard, sometime on Saturday an event called The Rapture is predicted to occur.  This was new information to me as I always assumed that Rapture was simply a song by Blondie. For those unfamiliar with the tune, Debbie Harry raps during the song about a “Man from Mars” visiting the earth and eating cars, bars, and guitars. It is pointed out during the song that if the bar has a TV on, that bar is safe. So if you believe that Blondie’s version of the event is correct, simply go to the nearest bar with a TV (make sure it’s on though) and you will be safe. I expect that this is how most of my readers spend their Saturdays anyway, so you should be good.

As scary and strange as Blondie’s “rap prediction” is, however, the real Rapture predicts events that are far more bizarre and frightening. It predicts that graves will open, “saved” souls will rise to the heavens, and the rest among us who are temporarily spared will be forced to live among disease, death, and destruction for 5 months until we are finally put out of our misery when the Earth is annihilated - which I believe is the premise for every zombie movie ever made.

So yea - that’s what we are looking forward to.

Now, it might occur to some of you that with the world coming to an imminent end, there are probably many other better things to be doing than reading a blog post. I mean think about the last time we thought the world might end - New Year’s Y2K. How bummed would you have been if you had been reading a blog post that night when - well, when nothing at all happened. That being said, this could very well be the most important blog post you’ll ever read as I aim to provide you with tips of what to do and what not to do on Saturday night. So this is my parting gift to you as we prepare for the End of World as We Know It (and I feel fine):

DON’T Tell someone you love them. I’m telling you now - don’t waste your time. The best case scenario is “I love you too”, but who cares - you won’t be around to enjoy that mutual love. Worst case scenario is they don’t tell you the same and you head into the end of world unrequited. Wait, actually worse case scenario is that you say it to someone who ends up as a zombie. And then you get chased around by a love struck zombie for 5 months.

DO Tell someone you hate them. On the flip side, what better way to celebrate everyone’s demise than telling your arch nemesis how much they suck? There’s no sense in seeking forgiveness or calling a truce when there is no tomorrow. So why not just use them to vent your end of the world frustrations? Trust me, there is only upside in this.

DON’T Visit the grocery store. Why spend money on something Saturday that will be available for free Sunday?

DO Visit your local bar. Aside from saving yourself from the possible rhyme-possessed “Man from Mars” eating you, this is a much better way of utilizing your rainy day funds. Besides, with the right amount of alcohol, you stand to forget that the Rapture even occurred Sunday morning. (“Uhhhh hey - I feel like the world ended last night....  what happened?”)

DON’T Pray for forgiveness. While it may be true that saved souls do rise to the heavens with the promise of an eventual return to earth, it’s likely too late for you. Why waste your time? Besides, this earth is going to be annihilated in 5 months. Do you really want to take your chances with this “new earth”? The rest of those “saved souls” probably aren’t all that much fun anyway.

DO Streak Naked. While this suggestion is partly because there are some of you I would like to see naked, it also is because Saturday night might be the last time you have the option to streak naked without the possibility of getting eaten by a zombie.

DON’T Worry where your friends and family are. If there is ever a time to live in the present and not the past or future, it’ll be Saturday night. Is mom calling on the phone? Hit ignore. No time for chit chat with Mom when you’re trying to make the most of your last few moments.

DO Eat pop rocks and drink coke at the same time. The Rapture thing isn’t a myth, so why not see what other myths might be true? If your stomach explodes, who cares - you’re only living 5 more months anyway. 

And with that, I wish you all well this Saturday night. If you have other tips for the readers, feel free to include them in the comments section below. I can be reached directly until Saturday night at pimplaskin@gmail.com. Oh, and just so you all know - I hate you.